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For goodness sake, if you aren’t really a lady, at least pretend to be one around me.This is not a treat, but a promise: I will sneak into my son’s room like a ninja and check his phone nightly for inappropriate sexts or naughty pictures so you best not be sending ’em.

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In short, Michael’s rules, well, rule and I’m working to incorporate them into my parenting agenda for the next decade or so.

All this dating stuff got me thinking just how frighteningly quick time passes.

Before long, I’ll have a couple of lovesick boys wandering around the house with that glazed look in their eyes getting on my damn nerves.

If I have any say at all in the kind of ladies (note: I said “LADIES”) my boys bring home to date, they must follow mama’s very simple rules.

“The number-one benefit is safety,” says the father of two grown children.